Why Goddess?

From the feminist-bent to my program, and the "goddess-based" part, you might assume that I'm wholly opposed to the male aspect of the divine. For anyone else, I'm not. I don't follow the Dianic tradition of witchcraft in that I feel everyone needs to be exclusionary in that manner. For my practice, though, it feels right.

Maybe I've had enough of God. I was raised Catholic (New Orleans-style, which if you know, you know), went to Catholic school most of my life. I fully embraced it and took it very seriously up until I was around 13 or 14. I was very devoted to my religious studies, as much as I was to literature or science. I took First Communion happily. I read the Bible and tried to understand it. I meant what I said in Mass.

But at some point in my teenage years, I found the Goddess. It at turns blew my mind and seemed entirely obvious. I can't say that I entirely rejected Catholicism at the time. I continued to study it and take it seriously, while reading what I could find on the internet and the local bookstore about Wicca. This was in the 90's and early 2000's, so there was even an occult bookstore in my small suburb of New Orleans. I tiptoed around practicing, as I wasn't sure how to justify my Catholic faith and Wicca/Witchcraft. I looked at it from an academic perspective, which informs my practice and faith to this day. Having gone to Catholic school and had Religion class every year, while also having studied Greek Mythology, it wasn't a take that seemed alien.

In college, I began to let go of my Catholic practices and embraced Wicca as my path. I helped to start the first Pagan club at my university. I visited with and learned from the pagan elders in the area. Some of those experiences were, no pun intended, purely magical. I felt at home and welcome in their circles. A little more difficult to wrap myself around were the circles and practices of people my age and in their 20's. I encountered a coven who owned land in the area (and inspired the original title of this blog) and was an Avalonian, female led tradition. Ironically, it was the radical feminism that made me wary. I couldn't balance the women who made themselves powerful, dangerous, and yet adhered to these very strict mores of femininity. I also staunchly believed (and still very much do) that there was a place for gods as well as goddesses. I didn't understand what being so militant against any mention of gods was about. The difficulty in balancing these thoughts in my mind gradually led me to leaving faith and religion, at least as it pertained to my own practice, alone entirely.

I've been practicing meditation since my grammar school days. I've learned more about both Abrahamic religion and beyond. I never left the scholarly desire to understand faith, religious history, and how it affects us. As I reached my 30's however, it is with some amusement then that I found myself re-embracing goddess-based practices. I signed up for, and eventually left, enrollment in an online-based group study under a Wiccan author. I left with no ill-will, but a purely practical faith isn't in the cards for me, so to speak. It didn't sit right with me and I found myself looking for a deeper understanding of what I was learning for the second time.

And then, you know, the Trump administration happened...is happening. I feel like going in a more inclusive direction is necessary. Understanding the history of both all goddess-based faiths, and contemporary feminism, is suddenly very important. I'm writing this blog along the way not for external validation, but as a way to hold myself accountable. And. To put another voice out there. I'm learning, maybe you want to, too.